Will I get to see my precious son alive?
Am I preparing for his first hello?
Or bracing for his final goodbye?
Wrenching, terrifying thoughts
Too many times told he could die
That I may never see his bright, open eyes
Sharp, white hot pain
Arching up my back
“That looks like labour,” the obstetrician said
I know it’s too early
“Prematurity and cardiac is not a good mix,”
I’ve been told
But what can I do?
Nothing in this pregnancy
Has been in my control
Stress levels beyond measurement
I don’t doubt that’s a contributing factor
To this sudden onset of labour
Harsh grip on my thigh
Needle plunged through
Meds to swallow too
“Hopefully this will slow things down,” I’m told
“Steroids to develop his lungs
And meds to stall labour,”
Hospital tests show
This will only be a delay
Labour is imminent
How many days do I have?
Who would know?
Am I preparing for his final goodbye –
Or for his first hello?
© Karen Loo 2021